 |
|
|
|
An attitude of gratitude And Then Some
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
In 1907 the physician and
endocrinologist and world’s leading authority on stress and emotional and
physical responses to stress, Hans Selye — “the Einstein of medicine” —
said, “Among all emotions, there is one which, more than any other, accounts
for the presence or absence of stress in human relations: that is the
feeling of gratitude.” Striving for others’ gratitude served as Selye’s
guiding philosophy of life, and he believed it was the ultimate aim of
existence.
The information in this essay comes from the book, "Thanks! How the New
Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier" (Houghton Mifflin, 2007), in
which professor Robert Emmons, from the University of California, at Davis,
shows that a systematic cultivation of the underexamined emotion can
measurably change people’s lives. I have borrowed from Emmons’ work, and I
use a minimum of quotation marks for the ease of reading.
There are three focal points in this essay. I examine the advantages of
living a life of gratitude. I list some of the obstacles to maintaining an
attitude of gratitude. Finally, I discuss strategies for overcoming the
obstacles and obtaining an attitude of gratitude And Then Some.
According to Emmons, “gratefulness is a knowing awareness that we are the
recipients of goodness. In gratitude we remember the contributions that
others have made for the sake of our well-being” (p. 6). You cannot be
grateful without being thoughtful; thus, “gratitude requires contemplation
and reflection.” Although Thanksgiving is an appropriate time to be
grateful; it can and should be expressed everyday of our lives throughout
our lives.
Physically, people who live a life of gratitude exercise more regularly,
show increased resilience in the face of trauma-induced stress, report fewer
illness symptoms, recover more quickly from illness, and benefit from
greater physical health.
In addition to emotional and physical benefits, there are interpersonal
benefits as well. A life of gratitude leads to increased feelings of
connectedness, improved relationships, and even altruism. In experiencing
gratitude, people feel more loving and forgiving, and gratitude maximizes
the enjoyment of others and our lives. By elevating, energizing, inspiring,
and transforming lives, it provides life with meaning for without it, it can
be lonely, depressing, and impoverished.
There are numerous obstacles to living a
life of gratitude. The first is simply that we don’t think about it very
often. Clearly, it flies below our radar screen. Second, as Americans we are
prone to laziness and inactivity, and according to Emmons, “Far from being a
warm, fuzzy sentiment, gratitude is morally and intellectually demanding”
(p. 17). There can be little wonder why it seldom operates within our range
of vision.
In addition to not thinking about it and our laziness and inactivity, Emmons
claims there are “monumental forces that undermine gratitude” (p. 155). He
lists five. The first is “the negativity bias.” Often it is easy to ignore
your blessings or even complain about them. Psychologists have identified a
natural tendency of the mind to perceive an input as negative — meaning that
incoming thoughts and emotions are more likely to be unpleasant than
pleasant. What this means in operational terms is that being a grouch, for
some, comes naturally.
Emmons’ second obstacle is “the self-sufficiency illusion.” You do not want
to admit or acknowledge how much you need others. Being indebted to others
is uncomfortable, and you would rather believe that your good fortunes are
your own doing although losses and sufferings are not your fault.
His third obstacle is “the emotional expression reluctance.” This obstacle
applies more to men than women, however, our culture emphasizes the
containment of emotional expression. There are perceived negative
consequences that inhibit people from expressing their feelings.
Emmons’ fourth obstacle is “the comparison bias.” You constantly evaluate
situations, events, other people, and yourself against standards of one type
or another. When you look around and see students with harder bodies,
coworkers with larger retirement portfolios, relatives whose children are
more grateful, neighbors whose SUVs are larger, you feel resentment and
envy, not gratitude. It encourages a focus on what you don’t have, not on
what you do.
His fifth and final obstacle is “the perception of victimhood.” When you
think of yourself as damaged goods — victimized at the hands of others
(parents, spouses, coworkers, or society) — your tendency to blame them can
be a strong resistance against gratitude.
Despite the many obstacles, however, there are a variety of strategies that
will help obtain an attitude of gratitude And Then Some. Here are nine. The
first is to keep a daily diary of positive, uplifting experiences.
Gratefulness on a daily basis is related to higher levels of optimism and
self-esteem. The second is simply reminding yourself to maintain a grateful
attitude. The third is to practice gratefulness when good things happen
because if “one is not grateful before challenges arrive, it is going to be
more difficult (though not impossible) to summon up gratitude after they
hit” (p. 181). The fourth is to view existence as a gift. Then “gratefulness
is an attitude underlying successful functioning over the life course” (p.
182). Along with viewing existence as a gift, you need to be grateful for
good health and your ability to touch, see, smell, taste, and hear.
Here are the remaining four strategies. The sixth is to remember the
bad—your sorrows, losses, sadness, and trauma—along with remembering where
you are now and how far you’ve come. Remind yourself of how much worse life
might be than it is. The seventh strategy is to leave yourself visual
reminders to be grateful—notes on the refrigerator or on your bathroom
mirror. The eighth strategy is to use the language of gratefulness—gifts,
givers, blessings, fortune, fortunate, and abundance rather than
deprivation, deservingness, regrets, lack, need, scarcity, and loss. A ninth
strategy is to play the role of a grateful person. When you go through the
motions, gratitude itself will be triggered. If you do it, the true feeling
of gratefulness will emerge.
Whether it is Thanksgiving or any other time during the year, there are
obstacles to obtaining a life of gratitude. The advantages of gratefulness,
however, should make it worthwhile to put the strategies for promoting an
attitude of gratitude into immediate use. These strategies will provide an
attitude of gratitude And Then Some.
back to top
>
An attitude of gratitude And Then Some
> Be aware of the myths that guide your life
> Excuses are the nails used to build a house of
failure
> Forget about resolutions and promises — Take
care of your new car!
> Fundamentals first before fun!
> The fun in FUNdamentals! — How to find the
fun in all FUNctions!
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Be aware of the myths that guide your life
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
Myths guide your actions. As important as it is for you to exercise, follow effective nutrition guidelines, and get sufficient sleep, in many cases your attempts to do what will keep you healthy are affected by and, thus, in some cases, contravened by myths. Some of these myths are wired into you, and no matter what scientific evidence is offered, they remain anchored, fixed, and secure.
You may wonder why myths often have such a stranglehold over you and your
actions?
First, they are what give support to your moral values. Whether it
be a belief in faith, authority, human empathy, genuine feelings for others,
or rational principles, myths buttress your system of moral values. Second,
they give you your personal identity. Identity is an ongoing negotiation
within you, between how you choose to narrate particular scenes and the
culture within which you live. “I am part of a tightknit family,” “I am part
of a larger community,” or “I am part of God’s kingdom,” all can be true;
however, each plays a role in the formation of your personal identity.
Showing loyalty to your family, town, church, or nation is the result of
believing in the “sense of community” myth — and loyalties to friends or
community are the result of strong myths that reinforce social bonding.
The third reason myths have such a restrictive hold over you is that they
are a way to deal with the mystery of and fears relating to creation and
death. For many people it is this related set of myths that provide solace.
“It is in the nature of humans to wonder about the unknown and search for
answers,” writes Lindsey Murtagh
http://www.cs.williams.edu/%7Elindsey/myths/myths.html, in “Common
Elements in Creation Myths.” She writes, “At the foundation of nearly every
culture is a creation myth that explains how the wonders of the earth came
to be. These myths have an immense influence on people's frame of reference.
They influence the way people think about the world and their place in
relation to their surroundings.”
But, what about the myths that guide your everyday life in the areas of
exercise, nutrition, and sleep? How powerful are they? Without them, you are
lost. Why? Because they create meaning out of your life and actions. Because
they make you believe that you matter, that your daily life has meaning, and
that your activities fulfill the myths that guide your actions.
Some of the myths about exercise are precisely those that prevent some from
engaging in any kind of exercise program at all. “It’s all in the genes,”
suggests, for example, that we don’t even have any control over it. We’re
either fit or we’re unfit; it has to do with the cards we’re dealt when
we’re born. “No pain, no gain,” is a myth, but certainly some see exercise
as a painful way to keep fit. Or, “Once you stop strength training, your
muscles will turn to fat.” Then, what’s the point? Leave my fat muscles as
they are and avoid the exercise-intervention strategy! Of course, muscles
turning to fat or vice versa is a physiological impossibility.
For most reasonable people, the operative philosophy regarding exercise is:
“It works.” Why it’s important is discussed on the website longevity
meme.org
http://www.longevitymeme.org/news/view_news_item.cfm?news_id=3633 At
this website, it states that exercise helps avoid damage caused by a
sedentary lifestyle, hastens recovery from injuries, and prevents falls.
Also, aerobic fitness may prevent a diminished functional capacity,
including obesity, diabetes, hypertension, myocardial infarction, stroke,
some forms of cancer, and osteoporosis.
Just as there are myths that guide exercising, there are myths, too, that
guide the value we give nutrition and diet. The first is that there is a
perfect diet that will work for everyone. Just as an example, some people do
very well on vegetarian diets while others crash and burn. “One size only
fits the people who come in that size,” according to the
www.health.com,
http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com website. Other myths mentioned at
www.health.com,
http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com include, “Cutting carbohydrates
helps you lose weight,” “Diet foods help you drop pounds,” “The more you cut
calories, the more weight you’ll lose,” “Dairy makes you fat,” or “Brown
equals whole-grain.”
At the
www.healthcastle.com website, two of the nutrition myths discussed there
include sugar and fat. The first myth is that sugar causes diabetes; sugar
intake will not cause you to develop the disease. Type 2 diabetes results
primarily from three risk factors: 1) a diet high in calories, 2) being
overweight, and 3) an inactive lifestyle.
The myth regarding fat is that all fats are bad. Fact is, fats assist
nutrient absorption, support nerve transmission, and help maintain cell
membrane integrity. Of course, if consumed in excessive amounts they
contribute to weight gain, heart disease, and certain types of cancers. But,
not all fats are created equal according to
www.healthcastle.com. What you have to do is replace bad fats with good
fats.
The Medical News Today
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/66363.php website debunks ten
common myths regarding nutrition that include eating immediately after a
workout to improve recovery, the trouble eating fiber can cause if you have
irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), the necessity for consuming extra protein to
build muscle mass, that vitamin supplements are necessary for everyone, that
all alcohol is bad for you, that eating eggs will raise your cholesterol,
that brown grain products are whole grain products, the need to drink eight
8-oz. glasses of water per day, and that eating carbohydrates will make you
fat. These are all myths.
In addition to myths governing the way we exercise and eat, there are myths
that affect our sleep as well. At the Sleep Disorders
http://sleepdisorders.about.com/od/gettingtosleep/a/sleepmyths.htm
website two of the twelve myths discussed there are, first, that you can
“cheat” on the amount of sleep you get. It can be dangerous to both physical
and mental health to do so. Second, it is a myth as well, that you can
“catch up” on sleep missed. Once you miss hours of sleep, they are gone
forever.
The point of this essay is not necessarily the myths themselves but how
myths govern our actions. Because of their importance in our lives, it is
wise to be aware of them, check them out, and be flexible in altering those
that no longer --- or never did! --- serve a useful purpose.
Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
Don Wilder, cinematographer, says
excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. I’ve not been one to
make a whole lot of excuses, but having taught college for close to 30 years
one automatically hears a wide range. It seems to go with the territory. “I
didn’t do well on the exam because the professor asked questions on sections
we hadn’t studied,” or “She didn’t explain the material well enough,” are
some typical responses when the real reason is, “I wasn’t prepared,” or “I
didn’t go to class.”
Education isn’t alone in making people experts when it comes to using
excuses. What it does is embed the process deeply in students’ psyches. The
problem isn’t that difficult to discover; nobody wants to take
responsibility for their problems or failures. Excuses are simply ploys to
divert attention from themselves. Marcus Stroup clarified the problem in his
quotation, “There aren’t nearly enough crutches in the world for all the
lame excuses.”
People will say, “I can’t eat healthier, because I’m too busy, and I have to
depend on fast foods,” or “I can’t lose weight because I can’t stand being
hungry all the time,” or “I can’t exercise because I just don’t have the
time.” The key to understanding all excuses is this: we make room in our
lives for what we consider important. An old Yiddish proverb states, “If you
don’t want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to discover the problem in our society. Things have been made too easy. Food is as close as the nearest drive-thru, information arrives with a mere keystroke, music of our choice is on the iPod, a family or friend contact is on the cell phone, delicious snacks and beverages are available to suit every taste, and a wide array of amusing, entertaining, and captivating play-diversions are available to occupy any extra moment in our busy, fully-occupied, consumer-oriented lives. We are easily distracted, amused, and entertained.
When the standards are set low, there is no bar to raise; it lies below
ground-level. There is no challenge, no difficulty, no strain, nor need to
stretch. The flab of the fat reflects the sagging society. If things seem a
bit lackluster and lifeless, check no further than many of those listless,
uninspiring bodies simply occupying space.
Let’s first discuss the harm that lies in excuses. It was Benjamin Franklin
who said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything
else.” According to
Chuck
Gallozzi, there are two major harms. First, they negate responsibility,
“and it is responsibility,” Gallozzi adds, “that separates man from the rest
of the animal kingdom.” Second, they prevent one from succeeding. Gallozzi
says, “When we make excuses and repeat them often enough, they become a
belief. The belief then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Let’s reverse it and rather than discuss the harms, look at the rewards. Is
it really worth it to drop the excuses? The answer is clearly, “Yes.” First,
it brings all the benefits of living a life of responsibility. For example,
an attitude of responsibility builds self-respect, pride, and confidence.
And with these traits, too, comes competence and power. Second, it puts you
in charge. You have control over your life, and you don’t have to hide
behind excuses. Hiding is a weakness. When you admit your failures, you can
delight and glory in your strengths. It is at these times when you realize
that your success or failure depends on you — only you.
Third, and as a direct byproduct of the first two rewards, dropping the
excuses will make you a better person. It could have a direct effect on your
intelligence, and your actions will become deliberate and thoughtful — the
actions of a responsible human being.
Fortunately, your life doesn’t need to be built on excuses. Yes, it could be
argued that you need them. Donald Lawrence noted in his essay, “Stop
Making Excuses!” He writes, “We need them to make sense of the
senseless, find sanity in the insane, and a resemblance of order in chaos.”
One of his most insightful comments is, “Our excuses are the walls of stone
that we construct. They are our silent shields, our perfect protection.” So,
the solution, obviously, is not to eliminate all excuses from our lives.
Perhaps we need a wall or two or a silent shield. But, there are things we
can do to limit them.
The first step in changing from a life of excuses to one of taking
responsibility is to begin to have confidence in yourself and your talents.
This was the first of four steps listed at the
eHow
website in an essay there by the eHow health editor entitled, “How to
Stop Making Excuses.” Excuses make us doubt our abilities and
qualifications.
The second step discussed by the eHow health editor is to seize the
opportunity. The point is simply that there is no “perfect” time for
anything. Make a commitment to yourself to start right now. What are you
waiting for? You don’t have time? That reflects no commitment whatever. If
you are afraid of failure or afraid of getting out of your comfort zone,
nobody can take this step for you: make the commitment, and make it now.
Take charge of your life.
The third step is to focus on your successes and learn from your failures.
Sure, you’ve failed before; we all have. Life is too short to dwell on
failures. The eHow health editor suggests making a list of your
accomplishments for times when you can use a pep talk.
The fourth step is to be honest with yourself. Are you serious about
changing your behavior? What is it that is really holding you back? Are
excuses hiding something much deeper?
Always along the road to change, you must stop to examine your progress.
When you compare where you are now with where you would like to be, create
specific plans to change. Also, along the way, too, there will be mistakes.
Accept responsibility; learn from them; don’t repeat them. Sure, excuses
could be the nails used to build a house of failure, but Henry Ward Beecher
offers strong motivation in his comment, “Hold yourself responsible for a
higher standard than anybody else expects of you, never excuse yourself.”
back to top
>
An attitude of gratitude And Then Some
> Be aware of the myths that guide your life
> Excuses are the nails used to build a house of
failure
> Forget about resolutions and promises — Take
care of your new car!
> Fundamentals first before fun!
> The fun in FUNdamentals! — How to find the
fun in all FUNctions!
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Forget about resolutions and promises — Take care of your new car!
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
back to top
>
An attitude of gratitude And Then Some
> Be aware of the myths that guide your life
> Excuses are the nails used to build a house of
failure
> Forget about resolutions and promises — Take
care of your new car!
> Fundamentals first before fun!
> The fun in FUNdamentals! — How to find the
fun in all FUNctions!
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Fundamentals first before fun!
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
For all of my professional life I have
either taught or written about fundamentals, and I have always believed that
the establishment, understanding, and proper use of the fundamentals (of any
sport, subject, or area) is essential to effectiveness. Throughout this
period of time there have been students who do not learn the fundamentals
and attempt to “wing it.” This is not an unusual response when you consider
the pressures students are under.
The responses some students had to learning and using the fundamentals were
not unlike many people in society. They want to win the lottery! They would
rather invest their money (and little time) in shooting for the big, lucky,
immediate payoff in giving a speech rather than investing time in learning
and effectively using the fundamentals which might guarantee them success in
giving a speech. It is, indeed, a fast-food, quick-grab, gut-level approach.
This essay is a justification and rationale for spending the time and energy
necessary (no matter the sport, subject, or area) to learn fundamentals
first before fun.
In his book,
The Art of Learning (Free Press, 2007), Josh Waitzkin, an eight-time
National Chess Champion writes in his introduction, “A chess student must
initially become immersed in the fundamentals in order to have any potential
to reach a high level of skill” (p. xvii). Waitzkin, from his own
experience, talks about the importance of learning the principles even
“integrate more and more principles into a sense of flow” so that
“Eventually the foundation is so deeply internalized that it is no longer
consciously considered, but is lived” (p. xvii).
Rae Pica, the author of
A Running Start (Marlowe & Company, 2006), opens her essay entitled,
“Fundamentals First,” by asking three questions, “Would you hand a child
calculus problems once she was able to count to ten? A geometry text when he
began to recognize shapes? War and Peace as soon as she could recite her
ABCs? Of course not!” Pica adds, in the very next paragraph, “Yet all too
many children are enrolled in gymnastics, karate, dance classes, and
organized sports before they’ve mastered such basic movements as bending and
stretching, walking with correct posture, and bouncing and catching a ball.”
Fundamentals first before fun!
Although these two authors make a case for learning the fundamentals first —
and both their cases make good sense — they offer little additional evidence
about the value of learning fundamentals first. When I lectured to students,
I made the case for learning the fundamentals. Here are ten reasons for
fundamentals first before fun.
First, building a solid foundation is an obvious justification. If the base
is strong and solid, whatever follows is likely to be capable, skillful, and
impressive. With a foundation in place, speakers now have a clear base of
operations, starting point, or place from which to begin work.
Second, learning fundamentals opens alternatives and options. Often,
proceeding without the basics leaves people on their own, with only what
they know or have experienced. Knowing fundamentals is like, the more you
know, the more you find out. Using fundamentals increases choices and makes
both success and effectiveness (often, one and the same) more likely.
Third, and closely related to number two, having internalized the
fundamentals, the possibility for creativity grows. Creativity is more
likely stimulated — prompted, encouraged, activated, triggered, nourished,
and inspired — with an increase in the number of stimuli available.
Fourth, learning fundamentals offers strength. If fundamentals are truly
what they are said to be, and if they are understood, internalized, and
used, the results of depending upon them should not just be what can be
expected, but results should be what you cannot anticipate as well. The sum
(final result) becomes greater than the sum of the (basic) parts. Sometimes
results surprise!
Fifth, learning and depending on the fundamentals fulfills expectations. It
is easy to say, “that is precisely what I want to avoid — satisfying
expectations.” Speeches, speakers, and speech occasions are centuries old.
Because of that, listeners know what they want and expect. Not to fulfill or
acknowledge their expectations may be a road to disappointment and defeat.
Sixth, having fundamentals as your base supplies the license, permission, or
authority to act. To teach in a public school in many states requires a
teaching permit; some jobs require a high-school diploma; driving requires a
driver’s license; although there is no entry gate nor authority checking
accomplishments, having the fundamentals is like possessing the credentials
that grant the freedom to act — the freedom to rise above the ordinary!
Seventh, learning the fundamentals gives speakers confidence and security.
Speakers with that base know they are proceeding in a recognized and
acceptable manner. It is an effective “can do” approach that both motivates
and excites.
Eighth, fundamentals offer a base from which experimentation can proceed.
You study form to leave form. It establishes a base for asking questions,
encouraging thought, and prompting a deeper and more comprehensive
understanding.
The ninth reason for learning fundamentals is that it offers a way to
evaluate outcomes and assess results. When you have fundamentals as a base,
you have a structured and systematic way to evaluate strengths and
weaknesses after the fact.
The tenth and final reason for understanding and using fundamentals, is that
it is a way to penetrate and understand “greatness.” “Greatness” occurs as a
result of following or deviating from the basics. Only when you understand
those basics, do you have standards by which to gain insight into how you
can, or how others do, achieve “greatness.”
Fundamentals offer a base for enjoyment. Although following basics can be
fun, the freedom that occurs with that foundation in place may be even more
pleasurable for the creativity, imagination, and artistry that is released,
but don’t skip the basics: fundamentals first before fun!
back to top
>
An attitude of gratitude And Then Some
> Be aware of the myths that guide your life
> Excuses are the nails used to build a house of
failure
> Forget about resolutions and promises — Take
care of your new car!
> Fundamentals first before fun!
> The fun in FUNdamentals! — How to find the
fun in all FUNctions!
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
The fun in FUNdamentals! — How to find the fun in all FUNctions!
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
When James Brown spoke to students,
faculty, and guests at the University of North Carolina at Pembroke for
their Distinguished Speaker Series, he talked about the seven basic
fundamentals that will help you achieve success. James Brown worked for CBS
for 10 years before joining FOX Sports. He has served as commentator for the
NBA finals, for the NCAA basketball tournament, at the Super Bowl, and at
the Winter Olympics.
Six of Brown’s seven fundamentals included good communication skills, dress
and attire, punctuality and promptness, thirst and hunger for knowledge,
interpersonal skills, and overcoming adversity. The seventh and last
fundamental on his list was “having fun,” which he said was one of the most
important. He said that education should be a fun experience because the
more fun it is, the easier the learning experience.
More on the importance of Brown’s seventh fundamental in a moment. The
reason for mentioning it — and the basic reason for this essay — is a
comment that Rae Pica, the author of A Running Start (Marlowe & Company,
2006), left as a post after reading my Saturday essay, “Fundamentals First
Before Fun!” Pica said, “...I want to assure parents, that despite the title
of your post, fundamentals CAN be fun....”
Pica is absolutely correct: “fundamentals CAN be fun.” Not only that,
fundamentals SHOULD BE fun. Without the ingredient of fun, fundamentals are
often monotonous, repetitive, frustrating, and boring. It is precisely
because of these traits that they should be fun. Fun is what can propel us
beyond the monotony, repetition, frustration, and boredom.
Numerous researchers, in a variety of studies, have proven that humor and
play enhance the learning experience.
To the serious assignments in my basic speech-communication course, I added
a number of “fun” exercises and activities. In a related manner, I added
humor to the lectures in the course and even put jokes and witty sayings on
the examinations to try to loosen-up a situation that — because of the
inherent anxiety that normally accompanies having to give public speeches —
can induce greater anxiety, distress, and even dread. Having fun doesn’t
mean being a joker or clown. I wanted to set the proper standard for fun
within a learning environment — giving students the license to learn and
have fun at the same time.
My approach is underlined and supported at a website by, “Team Building,” in
an online article, “The FUNdamentals of Work” (http://www.ideachampions.com/life_play.shtml).
The unidentified writer says, “Humor and play are intimately linked to peak
performance and productivity. High morale and engagement are not just
‘nice-to-have’ in business — they’re essential. That is, if you want a
workforce that is personally accountable for participating at the highest
levels possible.”
How are humor and play introduced into a work or business environment?
According to the “Team Building” website, it is accomplished by using play,
non-competitive games, and improvisational humor. It does not mean learning
to be childlike or acting immature or mindless; business must still be
business.
James Patterson has also noted the importance of fun on his
website. Patterson has sold more than 12 million books in North America
and 130 million worldwide. He wrote Along Came A Spider, novels featuring
Alex Cross, and the Women’s Murder Club and Maximum Ride series. Patterson
writes, “For the first time in my memory, smart people in the book industry
are addressing the fact that it’s not just that young people are reading
less, but that they “appear to be reading less for fun....Of course,” he
writes, “it’s a wisdom good teachers, good parents, and good habit-changers
of all kinds have always known.”
Almost writing as if to make a direct contribution to this essay (if I could
be so lucky!), Patterson says, “The pursuit of happiness is a little harder
for our children to undertake if they don’t see the happiness they can have
in their ‘academic’ pursuits.”
My contention is broader than any of those stated in this essay thus far. My
contention is that fun — and a playful attitude — should be an everyday,
integral part of our lives. In that way, it would be automatically included
in any approach to achieving success. It would be integrated naturally and
comfortably into all learning environments. And, it would be a structural
and basic aspect of all work and business. In that way, it couldn’t be
avoided, and it would be revealed spontaneously, in a relaxed, genuine, and
open manner.
There are advantages to supporting my contention and incorporating humor
into your life. It can help you manage stress, improve creativity, increase
productivity, and balance the seriousness of life and work, writes Ron
Culberson, a former hospice social worker, who runs a website focusing on
humor (http://www.leadinghomecare.com/teleseminars/fun20040916.html).
Culberson, a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP), offers a program that
helps people understand the role of humor in life and work by helping them
achieve balance, create a healthier perspective, connect with others, and
make their messages memorable.
In his book, How to be Funny on Purpose (Cybercom, 2005), Edgar E. Willis
writes that being funny “can turn you into a person who is fun to be with,
one who can enliven a workplace or add zest to a social gathering. It can
add sparkle to your teaching and writing, it can make you a more attractive
and effective speaker, it can help you cheer up those who are buffeted by
life” (p. 13).
Jason Moffatt, on his website,
The Fundamentals of Fun and the Art of Playing, writes, “Being a fun and
playful person is beneficial in so many different ways; some are obvious,
while many other reasons are quite subtle. I believe people need comic
relief in life, and any time you can get someone to laugh, you’ve done a
good deed....”
Brown was right when he said humor is an important fundamental for achieving
success, but he could have gone further saying it is important for living
our lives. “The evangelist Billy Graham,” according to Willis, “summed up
what humor can do in these words: ‘Humor helps us to overlook the
unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome
the unexpected, and outlast the unbearable” (p. 13).
back to top
>
An attitude of gratitude And Then Some
> Be aware of the myths that guide your life
> Excuses are the nails used to build a house of
failure
> Forget about resolutions and promises — Take
care of your new car!
> Fundamentals first before fun!
> The fun in FUNdamentals! — How to find the
fun in all FUNctions!
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
When I first heard this phrase I
doubted that one could actually help themselves with little or no outside
assistance or influence. That is, I doubted that people could improve their
situation by their own efforts. Oh, I knew that the idea of “pulling
yourself up by your own bootstraps” had early American origins when people
who had fallen down would literally grab a hold of their bootstraps—when the
laces were made of leather—and use them to sit upright. I was aware that you
could get out of difficult situations by your own efforts, but my doubts
extended to any feats much greater than that. I was truly a skeptic.
Exactly when the realization occurred to me that indeed each of us has far
greater control—power—over our lives than what we believe or imagine is
unclear, but it happened while I was in college.
Until I went to college I followed the programming dictated by my genes and
by my environment. I was truly unaware of the control—power—I had. I was
like an animal that was locked in a cycle of instinct. When animals are
hungry, they eat. When they hear a loud noise, they run. When they are
attacked, they fight. When they come into season, they mate. Animals live
the way their genes and their environment have programmed them to live. They
lack the control—power—that humans have.
But to recognize the control—power—we have requires both awareness and
experience. For me, it happened when I realized that I had
control—power—over my destiny. If I took the right courses, made the right
choices, and performed at my best, I could take advantage of the
control—power—I had over my life. What an incredible realization!
It was as if I had to transcend my programming. It wasn’t that my parents or
my teachers were giving me bad advice or the wrong advice, it was as
if—suddenly—I was in charge of my own programming. I realized that what I
did and did not do had very significant results which would directly affect
my life. I now—suddenly—had the control. It wasn’t that the power was given
to me; it was there all the time. It was simply that I not only became aware
of it, but I realized I could use it to make decisions, solve problems, and
choose how I wanted to respond to the things in my world. Suddenly, I was
programming myself.
This realization changed my life. This realization determined my fate. This
realization directed the courses I was to take and the profession I was to
choose. How did this happen?
Until college, I had allowed my life to serve the ends that had been handed
down to me. From kindergarten through two years of college, I was trying to
make my parents happy. I knew that becoming a medical doctor would do it,
and I had rationalized this lifetime outcome and accepted it as my own. But
when I realized the control—power—I had (could wield), I realized at the
same time that I could break the chain of events that had shaped who I was,
and I could learn to shape myself. It was just the power I needed to
participate in my own fate!
The difference between being asleep and being awake is the same difference
between having a dream and making that dream come true.
The reason I wish I knew exactly when that moment occurred is because that
was the very moment I understood that my life was going to be whatever I
chose to make it. It was an astonishing new world for me. What is it that
happens to you when you suddenly realize that you are in charge? What
changes occur in your psyche when you realize that you are the master,
leader, ruler, manager, supervisor, or commander, and the people in your
charge must do exactly as you dictate? It’s a real “head-trip” isn’t it?
It’s like a power surge with all the corresponding electrical sparks sending
out shock waves in all directions.
Suddenly I became aware of the limitless possibilities that surrounded me.
All at once I felt both a sense of humility and power. I felt humility
because I realized that life is a gift—in humble, meek, and submissive
honesty, I realized that I didn’t ask for life. It was simply given to me.
But, too, I can’t deny it; thus, I accept the gift of human life with
acknowledgment, appreciation, gratitude, and thanks. Animals weren’t so
lucky; I was. And animals weren’t given the most potent gift of all—the
power to choose. They don’t have the same control or power that I have.
That lightning bolt did not just wake me up, it thrust me out of bed and
onto a life course of growth, development, and change like nothing I had
previously experienced. As a child, I was, by nature, dependent. Often, for
many people, that dependency continues into adulthood, and it could have for
me as well—relying on others, or on circumstances, to give me what I wanted,
instead of taking that responsibility upon myself.
When I woke up to the power of choice, I not only became aware of my own
strength, I became forever independent. I realized that I could give myself
what I wanted, and I was no longer content to rely on others to get it for
me. I realized what I could give myself, and I was no longer willing to
accept only what the world felt like giving me. In this way, I could now
refuse to settle for less. What control—power—I had!
How important was this realization for me? It was like I had suddenly come
to my senses. I now saw things more clearly than ever before. My limitations
were no longer limitations. I saw them for what they really were—bad dreams.
When viewed in this way, bad dreams quickly lost their power over me in the
same way nightmares lose their edge the moment I wake up.
When the realization of my control, power, and choice over my life occurred,
I felt a great sense of freedom and possibility. It was as if there was a
freeing of the spirit, a release of my creative juices, a liberation of my
inner being. I found myself free to imagine more useful thoughts, to dream
more pleasant dreams, and to turn those dreams into reality—to pull myself
up by my own bootstraps!
back to top
>
An attitude of gratitude And Then Some
> Be aware of the myths that guide your life
> Excuses are the nails used to build a house of
failure
> Forget about resolutions and promises — Take
care of your new car!
> Fundamentals first before fun!
> The fun in FUNdamentals! — How to find the
fun in all FUNctions!
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Self-discipline can change your life in any way you want it to
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
During my early years, I heard from my parents about the Puritan work
ethic, but every time I heard the phrase it was connected with working hard.
Never did I know that it was a biblically based teaching on the necessity of
hard work, perfection, and the goodness of labor.
Only when I was in college and pursued research on New England preachers,
did I realize that it was protestant preachers who preached on the goodness
and the necessity of labor for its effect on humans, of course, but more
broadly, for its effect on Christian society.
Although the term was coined by Max Weber, the phrase “Puritan work ethic”
was part of 1800s American culture, and it was seen by some Americans as one
of the cornerstones of national prosperity. The Puritans may have personally
defined it by saying, “I am to be honest, hard working, reliable, sober,
mindful of the future, appropriate in my relationships, successful, and
thereby give glory to God,” but, I am certain my parents used it strictly as
a motivational tool: “You’ve got to work hard son, if you want to make
anything of your life.”
Perhaps it was the philosophy or maybe it was just good genes, but I was
never one to shy away from hard work. I have always thought of
self-discipline as the ability to get yourself to take action regardless of
your emotional state, and I have come to use the words “self-discipline” in
place of the Puritan work ethic, because I want to be in control of my life.
In my mind, it is exactly as William Feather said: “If we don’t discipline
ourselves, the world will do it for us.” Self-discipline puts the control in
our own hands.
Now we know that self-discipline can be a stronger predictor of success than
IQ (Psychological Science, Vol. 16:12 (December 2005), p. 939).
Just as I was told that the Puritan work ethic was a vital characteristic of
successful people, I make the same claim for self-discipline. To face the
challenges and problems along the path to success and achievement, you have
to persevere and be strong. It is self-discipline that helps you control
your actions and stay on track.
It doesn’t take much reading or observation to acknowledge lack of
self-discipline. Problems such as being overweight, procrastinating, debt,
poor relationships, excessive stress, poor work performance, laziness,
smoking, drinking, lack of exercise, negative habits, poor appearance, and
many others can be traced to our tendency to justify our words, actions, and
behaviors. Self-discipline along with passion and planning can wipe out
these problems. Within the domain of problems it can solve, it is unmatched.
Although the problems we face and the methods we use to deal with them will
vary, the underlying solution remains the same.
Self-discipline affects your confidence, because being in control will boost
your confidence and esteem. It affects how you see yourself, because your
self image will be better when you know you can succeed and change. It
affects your ability to see projects through, allows you to stay focused,
and it can change your life in any way you want it to.
Self-discipline is like a muscle. The more you train it, the stronger you
become; the less you train it, the weaker you become. Just as most people
have weak muscles compared with how strong they could become with training,
most people are weak in their level of self-discipline.
There is an old story about a man who went to a tattooist because he had
always wanted a tattoo of a lion on his back. The tattooist started to
sketch the tail into the man’s torso: “Ouch! What are you doing?” asked the
man. “I’m doing the lion’s tail” replied the tattooist. “Well then for
goodness sake let’s have a lion without a tail!” said the man, wincing in
pain.
back to top
>
An attitude of gratitude And Then Some
> Be aware of the myths that guide your life
> Excuses are the nails used to build a house of
failure
> Forget about resolutions and promises — Take
care of your new car!
> Fundamentals first before fun!
> The fun in FUNdamentals! — How to find the
fun in all FUNctions!
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life And Then Some
by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD
Based on the teaching I have done,
advice I have given, essays and books I have written, and thinking I have
engaged in, I want to answer the question: what are the areas most essential
for improving your life? Let’s say that I’m in charge, and like a personal
trainer, I have been given the full responsibility for improving your life
right now — what would I do?
Two caveats are in order. First, remember that I don’t know you. I was
recently talking to a friend of mine, and I leveled an attack against
organized religion. He took it personally, and I had to explain that it
wasn’t an attack against him or his religion in particular. (I have a strong
aversion to authoritarian religions designed, through their authority, to
restrict individual freedom, subordinate those rights to the interests of
the church, and punish infractions.) Second, accept these suggestions as
generic. That is, they are designed to have general application and, thus,
are abstract not concrete.
First, manage your stress. Stress often is revealed through exhaustion, loss
of/increased appetite, headaches, crying, sleeplessness, and oversleeping.
People escape it through alcohol, drugs, or other compulsive behavior.
Feelings of alarm, frustration, or apathy may accompany stress. Start with
the realization that you are the one upsetting yourself. Because stress has
a direct effect on your decision making, however, strive to get it under
control at once by getting enough sleep, exercise, and nutritional food.
Remove yourself from the stressful situation if possible, stop sweating the
small stuff, change the way you react, avoid extreme reactions, avoid
self-medication, stop overwhelming yourself, learn how to relax, change the
way you see things, and do something for others.
Second, take better care of yourself. You and you alone are responsible for
managing your health. How do you do it? You need to do four things: become
as knowledgeable as possible about your health conditions; take good care of
yourself; make the most of your encounters with your doctor; and keep
careful records.
Third, take care of your relationships. Whether your relationships are with
your supervisor, manager, customer or coworker, spouse, partner, friend, or
family member, you want to make them positive, supportive, clear, and
empowering. The best method is to be honest and committed. If you
communicate and reflect maturity and wisdom about yourself, you are more
likely to be accepted and respected. The degree that you love, accept, and
respect yourself is exactly the degree you can feel these qualities for
anyone else. Efforts toward establishing healthy relationships require
consistency, and you must make them a priority in your life. It is through
self-effort that you will achieve your goals of acceptance, respect, and
love.
Fourth, improve your communication skills. Your key to good communication is
listening well. Listen without judgment. Listen with the willingness to be
swayed to the other person's opinion. At least stay open to the option.
Listen without thinking about what you will say next. Take time before you
respond. Stop being invested in being right. Being right is not the point.
If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor communicate because you
have set up a barrier already. If you are always right that means the other
person is always wrong. That cannot be true.
Other suggestions for improving your communication skills include: If your
mind wanders, ask for repetition. Stay focused. In all cases repeat back
what you heard and ask if it is correct. Listen to yourself. Find quiet
moments and pay attention to what you are hearing from yourself. Does your
body tighten up about certain issues. Body language is not something to read
only in other people. Say it honestly, but with consideration for the
listener's feelings. Be polite, respectful, and sincere. Understand and
acknowledge that most things are not black or white but somewhere in a gray
area. Get comfortable with gray. Finally, have integrity and build trust.
Don't say what you don't mean, and don't promise what you won't or can't
fulfill. Follow through with any commitments you make.
Fifth, do not dwell on negativity in your life. You need to be careful with
whom you spend time and whom you allow to give you advice. Are they people
who are moving onward and upward, or are they wallowing in negativity,
self-pity, and mediocrity — going nowhere fast? Are their words inspiring
you to become the person you were intended to be, or are they deflating and
distracting you? Whatever direction your friends are heading, they will have
a major influence on your future ... if you allow it. If you are determined
to overcome your negativity and fulfil your destiny you cannot afford to be
held back by such relationships.
Negativity and anxiety work closely together. Anxious or depressed people
cannot see straight. Their perspective on life is blown out of proportion.
Small things seem huge, and molehills turn into insurmountable mountains. If
you are looking at the world with cynicism and bitterness, your perspective
of your life will become magnified and distorted in a destructive way.
There are four things you can do to deal with negativity. First, practice
catching yourself each time you become aware of being negative. Second,
learn to recognize negativity, then stop it. This gives you control over
your thought patterns and ultimately your life. Third, remind yourself how
your negativity damages important relationships. Nobody wants to be around
someone who is guaranteed to bring them down. Don't let yourself be that
person. Fourth, Look for the good in everything. There are few incidences in
life that do not have a positive flip-side, no matter how dire the
circumstances. Make it a habit to look for that silver lining.
These are simple suggestions for improving your life And Then Some; there
are many others, of course. My feeling has always been that there is no end
to the things that can be done to improve lives if people are aware,
sensitive, alert, and open. Taking responsibility for making the changes
needed is the tough part.
back to top
>
An attitude of gratitude And Then Some
> Be aware of the myths that guide your life
> Excuses are the nails used to build a house of
failure
> Forget about resolutions and promises — Take
care of your new car!
> Fundamentals first before fun!
> The fun in FUNdamentals! — How to find the
fun in all FUNctions!
> Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
> Self-discipline can change your life in any way
you want it to
> Simple Suggestions for Improving Your Life
And Then Some
